Things You Should Never Say To Someone You Love

Things You Should Never Say To Someone You Love

Love is beautiful, but even the strongest relationships can hit rough patches. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to blurt out something hurtful, something you might regret later.

Here are some phrases that can damage your connection with your loved one and some tips for communicating more effectively.

Criticizing Their Core Self

We all have flaws, but there’s a difference between pointing out a bad habit and criticizing someone’s fundamental character.

Saying things like, “You’re so lazy,” or “You’re never going to amount to anything,” is a surefire way to make your partner feel insecure and unloved. These comments attack their sense of self-worth and can chip away at the foundation of your relationship.

Instead, focus on specific behaviors that bother you. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so messy,” try, “I feel overwhelmed when the living room is cluttered. Can we work together to keep things tidy?”

Dredging Up Past Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. Holding grudges and constantly bringing up past missteps is a recipe for resentment.

Statements like, “I can’t believe you did that five years ago!” or “You’re always going to be this way” show a lack of forgiveness and make it difficult to move forward.

If something from the past is still bothering you, talk calmly. Focus on how it made you feel and what you need moving forward.

Remember, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, allowing you to let go of the negativity and build a stronger future together.

Threatening to Leave

Throwing around threats of ending the relationship in the middle of an argument is emotionally manipulative.

Saying things like, “If you don’t change, I’m leaving,” puts your partner on the defensive and undermines any chance of a productive conversation.

Healthy relationships are piled on mutual trust and respect for each other. If you’re depressed, a calm and honest conversation about your needs is much more constructive than using threats.

Making Dismissive Statements

Sometimes, the most hurtful things are the ones we say dismissively. Minimizing your partner’s feelings with comments like, “It’s not a big deal” or “You’re overreacting,” sends the message that their concerns don’t matter.

Take the time to listen to your partner and acknowledge their feelings honestly. Even if you don’t see things the same way, validate their perspective by saying, “I understand why you’re upset, and I want to hear more about how I can support you.”

Comparisons to Others

Comparisons are the thief of joy and can wreak havoc on your relationship. Saying things like, “Why can’t you be more like John?” or “My ex never did that” makes your partner feel inadequate and insecure.

Focus on the unique qualities you love about your partner and the things that make your relationship unique. Celebrate each other’s strengths and support each other’s growth.

Shutting Down Communication

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Stonewalling, refusing to talk, or giving your partner the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive way of avoiding conflict.

If you feel overwhelmed or need time to cool down, let your partner know respectfully. Say, “I need a little space right now, but I’d like to talk about this later when I’ve calmed down.”

Words of Blame and Insults

Name-calling, insults, and accusatory statements have no place in a loving relationship. Saying things like, “You’re so stupid,” or “You’re the reason I’m unhappy,” are hurtful and disrespectful.

Focus on “I” statements that express how you’re feeling. For example, instead of saying, “You never help out,” try, “I feel frustrated when I have to do all the housework alone.

Can we discuss ways to share the responsibilities more evenly?”

The Power of Positive Communication

Words have immense power, and your chosen words can either build up or break down your relationship. Focusing on positive communication can strengthen your bond and create a positive and loving environment.

Here are some tips:

  • Practice active listening. Pay attention to your partner’s words and body language.
  • Use “I” statements to express your needs.
  • Focus on problem-solving, not blaming.
  • Offer words of encouragement and appreciation.
  • Remember to apologize sincerely when you mess up.

Building healthy communication skills takes time and effort, but the rewards are worth it.

When Apologies Go Wrong

Apologies are a crucial part of any healthy relationship. However, a poorly worded apology can sometimes do more harm than good. Here are some things to avoid when saying sorry:

  • They are minimizing your partner’s feelings. Phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” dismiss their perspective and make it seem like their emotions are unimportant.
  • Making excuses for your behavior. Saying things like, “I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t…” takes responsibility away from you and implies your actions were justified.
  • Conditional apologies. Don’t add strings attached to your apology. Saying things like, “I’m sorry, but…” negates the sincerity of the apology.

A sincere apology should acknowledge the mistake, express remorse for the actions taken, and take responsibility for the harm caused.

Here’s a better approach: “I’m truly sorry for [your action]. I understand why you’re upset, and I take full responsibility for my words/actions. What can I do to make things right?”

The Art of Saying No

While healthy relationships involve compromise, it’s also essential to be able to say no. Constantly giving in to your partner’s demands will eventually lead to resentment.

Saying no doesn’t have to be harsh. Explain your reasoning calmly and respectfully. For example, “I appreciate you asking, but I’m already committed to [something else]” or “I’m not comfortable with that, but would you be open to [alternative]?”

Building a Culture of Respect

Healthy communication starts with respect. Here are some ways to cultivate a culture of respect in your relationship:

  • Be an active listener. Pay attention to what your partner is saying, even if you disagree.
  • Validate their feelings. Let them know their emotions are valid, even if you don’t understand them.
  • Use positive affirmations. Tell your partner the things you appreciate about them.
  • Acknowledge their efforts. Thank them for the things they do for you.

A relationship is a two-way street. These tips will help you to create a more comfortable and loving environment for yourself and your loved one.


  • Words have power. Choose them carefully.
  • Communication is key. Make an effort to listen and be heard.
  • Respect each other’s feelings and needs.
  • Focus on building each other up, not tearing each other down.

With a little effort, you can transform your communication style and build a stronger, happier relationship with the one you love.

Read More: 18 Phrases Socially Intelligent People Use All the Time

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